THOUGHTS.

June 23rd, 2018

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I wish my mind was stronger to brush things off, but sometimes it can’t be helped. And the only way I can deal with things is to write about them. Even if I do it poorly, causing even more confusion to others, or if people around me – that know me in person – tell me it’s not worth my time. I know it myself, yet it affects me mentally and I must get my thoughts out.

Any time I do an interview, one of the questions is: how do you deal with hate?

Anyone that has made a career off the internet, or is somewhat known online – for a reason or another – is most likely going to receive some harsh critiques.

Criticism is fine, it can help people grow, but there is a line between criticising someone in order to provide valuable feedback, and be straight up mean.

I remember when, many years ago, I used to watch Michelle Phan’s videos. I remember finding her inspiring (although not a constant watcher), as she worked hard to create a brand and work for others. Her content was so well put together, and through the years you could see the improvements.

She put herself out there, which lead to her not only achieving some pretty major goals, but also caught the eyes of people that were looking at her simply to criticise whatever she did.

I remember reading comments from people saying she had so much surgery done, like chin implants, and getting so heated about it, calling her out. And at the time I thought – how do people come up with such accusations? And most importantly, why do they care? If she did anything, why would that matter to others? Do you feel that because she is an Internet personality, she must disclose everything about her life?

That was so bizarre to me.

Fast forward a few years, I read so many things about myself, too. Yes, even chin implants.

Let me get this straight: I don’t know much about Michelle, as I’m bringing her up as an example, but so many other youtubers (in this case), especially females, get this same treatment – especially from other women. That includes me, so I will now talk about my views on this, and my experiences.

Three days ago I made the silly decision to google my name cause I was looking for one of my blog posts to look up a specific date. As the results showed up, I moved the cursor over to my blog, but my attention focused on the next few search results.

And so the curiosity got the best of me… I know! I know! I’m disappointed in myself too, but it happened.

And so I spent a good 10 minutes (anything above that can be deadly) reading how some people perceived me.

Again, I know this is bad, and probably the worse part about it is that we (me, in this case) give attention to negative comments when others are so supportive and lovely, and tend to passed unnoticed. My manager once said that the negative people are the loudest, and that’s true. By paying attention to this, I feel like I somehow did wrong to you guys, the people that genuinely like me for who I am. So I do apologise about that, and also for what I expect to be a long, long blog entry.

I just want you to know that I do appreciate you being here, and all your support, truly. Reading your comments and knowing that you guys are there, keeps me positive even when I’m feeling down, because I know I can count on you, and that’s big – so thank you!

But allow me to fix a few things up…

Alright, we all know the internet can be both an incredible tool to connect with others, but also a very dark place. That’s no secret.

But when you are able to read certain things about yourself, it is hard to keep it all down; I do wish that if anyone had a problem with me, they could write me about it directly, yet it is almost impossible to get that useful feedback, and most likely the type of people that spread false information about someone else aren’t interested in learning the truth, as they enjoy gossiping too much.

I always think that if you met your ‘haters’ in person, and have a real conversation, you would be able to change their minds and get along. But this way, when only one person is exposed, and the others hide behind screens, it seems unfair; and I highly doubt those same people would act the exact same way, if they were face to face with the person they are bashing online.

So let me put a foot forward and make a few statements, starting with one of the most valuable points: I’m the first one to say that 1) I do not deserve all my followers, I’m far too lucky; 2) I got and still get tons of exposure because I’m with Felix; 3) there are so many channels out there that offer better content than what I put out.

I completely agree with every point. I really do! But my issues are 1) I didn’t force anyone to follow me, or never even asked to; 2) Please provide me with solutions to this as I don’t see how that could be helped; 3) I don’t see how having a certain amount of followers takes away from other creators. Yes, they are more deserving, that’s for sure, but again, I’m not sure how to change that.

I can already imagine my team – a group of 9 amazing people – or my family and friends shaking their heads to this, and probably feeling disappointed by me even admitting this online. I’m sorry! I need to be completely honest in order to move past this!

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s talk about other topics people criticise me for:

  1. I’M LAZY AND CHILDISH

Yes, maybe 4 years ago I was, and was pretty open about it. I would be messy and barely clean the house. But I also had terrible social anxiety, and was very insecure. I’m not saying that excused me, but you could be able to see how having issues with myself, could result in me not being able to act as an adult and focus on my responsibilities.

I changed a lot since then and grew as a person. You can still say that I like childish things, if you want to, but I’m simply living my life. I don’t feel the need to judge other people’s lifestyle and choices… why do you? I think that says more about you then me, in this case.

2. MY WORK ETHIC

I used to be really hard on myself, thinking I wasn’t good enough, or working hard enough. I’ve learned that I should be doing what makes me happy, and in doing so I’ve realised I was able to create a little business and work with very talented and friendly people. You may not want to recognise it yourself or give me credit for it, but I’m happy with how I’m handling myself in life.

You may argue that anything I create is nothing more than kids craft, but if that’s your stance, you clearly want to see what is convenient for the picture you painted of me in your head, and no matter what I do, nothing is going to change that.

3. MY DIET

There is a lot of confusion about this, so let me spell it out: I’m vegetarian. No, I don’t eat meat or fish (anything you see are replacements). Yes, I still eat dairy and eggs.

Felix is pescatarian, hence why sometimes you will see fish on the table, or him eating it in blogs, but no, I’ve never eaten fish and never will.

4. MY HEALTH & WEIGHT

Some people seem under the impression that I keep myself thin, or that I’ve lost lots of weight, when really my number have always been in the mouth of others, wrongfully.

I grew up shapeless, but I’ve talked about this plenty in the past. I remember my gym teacher in high school would call me and two other thin girls ‘anorexic’ as if it was our first name. You can now make your point of – uh, society and the beauty industry now regards thinner women as the ideal; you must have had it so hard, poor you! – with sarcasm, but when you are a young teenager, comparing yourself to others and not seeing as much development in your body, trust me, you don’t think ‘oh, I look so good!’ but rather think ‘why don’t I look like the other girls?‘.

I saw this comment saying: ‘she looked much healthier last year’. And I found myself laughing as this person clearly wasn’t aware of how many doctor appointments I had, last year.

I quit the pill, and my weight has been stable and healthy ever since. I don’t own a scale anymore but I feel the best I’ve felt in years. I’ve gone to a nutritionist that tought me lots of useful stuff, and getting off the pill, overtime, made me feel better and better.

5. EMETOPHOBIA

I saw people even saying I was lying about having emetophobia. Oh, I wish! Ask any of my friends, that see me closing my ears and eyes any time someone is gagging in a movie. I’m absolutely TERRIFIED of vomiting, and I’m trying my absolute best to not have this phobia to take over my life.

For people stating that I’m lying because if I truly felt that way, I wouldn’t drink milk (I’m lactose intolerant) let me just saying that I’ve been intolerant since birth and all it does is give me some gas. No nausea. Which is why I allow myself to have some dairy.

6. CARING FOR FELIX

You may recall a blog post I wrote last year, called Fear.

I explained how Felix had the norovirus and I was petrified. I felt powerless cause my fear took over (because norovirus causes you to throw up uncontrollably for hours). It happened during the night, and I kept having panic attacks because it was the first time, since throwing up in a lawyer toilet for hours, alone, when I was 13 years old, that I had to face my worse fear.

When people read that I wasn’t able to control myself, and made it all about me, with my panic attacks, they were outraged.

In that blog post I believe it was quite clear how I felt AWFUL about being so useless. I only managed to call the ambulance for help, but I wasn’t able to stay closer to Felix. I know, it’s terrible. I’m aware of it, and I wasn’t trying to hide it. It was selfish of me, but I also think that people envisioned me doing absolutely nothing to help, when really I was trying. I eventually snapped out of it, and took care of him. I went everywhere and got what I could, and looked after him the whole week as he was recovering.

People were saying that if I had a kid, I would be a terrible mother cause I would just not deal with illness. All the years Felix and I have been together I’ve never had issues when he was sick, it was just this one case, which is why I felt the need to talk about it and hear your thoughts. Because it involved my emetophobia, which I can’t control and I’m working on it. Lots of you were very comforting, but a lot of others took this chance to absolutely bring me down… well, that’s very low!

7. PETS

Where should I begin…. Oh! The axolotls!

If you have been checking my channel out for a few years, you will know I wanted an axolotl, and eventually, I got two. Later that year we learned that Felix and I had to spend a month in LA, for Felix’s show to be filmed.

I asked my friend Daizo to care for the axolotls and the pugs while we were away, to which she kindly agreed.

The tank they were in was a nice aquarium I bought from the closest fish shop; it was set up, and it didn’t show anything wrong with it when I left.

Unfortunately, it turns out, the design wasn’t ideal as it was sitting in a furniture piece that was not wide enough to support the weight of the tank, which overtime caused it to crack. Daizo heard the loud noise and texted me right away.

I asked her to save as much water as possible and put the axolotls in the bath with it.

Cycling a tank requires a lot of time, and being away, I simply could not ask her to go out, buy a tank (by herself, by foot), and set it all up. That was not an option! So we called the woman that sold the axolotls to us, and she was kind enough to come get them back.

From all of this happening, I knew it wouldn’t have been right to try again, as at this point we had learned that Felix and I had many more business trips lined up and it would have been too difficult to properly look after axolotls.

But of course, people passed this as ‘she was tired of them and gave them away’. Okay, I guess that’s how it went then.

Now onto dogs: the main focus is Maya.

Remember how I said in a previous blog that she has pancreatitis, and we believed that the formula of her food may have changed (according to reviews) causing her stomach sensitivity? Well, the vet seemed to agree, which is why I wrote it, yet people seemed to think I was making it up to cover up for my lack of attention for Maya.

If you have a dog with pancreatitis, you know that a small change in diet can cause major issues. And the ingredients on her food did in fact change. That’s all it was, but please do keep making it seem differently if that suits your narrative.

The biggest problem people have with Maya is her nails. They say that I should address it, but when I don’t, they say I’m salty. So I guess you can never win and I’m not even going to bother anymore with this topic. You may believe what you wish. If we were really lazy and careless, shouldn’t Edgar have the same problem too? Yet his nails are always perfectly trimmed.

8. MY LOOKS

This is juicy! The way I look, other than my weight, is a favourite topic online.

I’m turning 26 this year, and I’ve been on youtube since I was 19 years old.

I’ve had two surgeries on my nose, both of which I’ve disclosed: the first one to correct a deviated septum, which cause my nostril to collapse and required a follow up surgery, which I tried to postpone because of fear.

My nose is still unsymmetrical, and I’m a bit self-conscious. In person I have no issues, but because people tear me apart on the internet, based on the way I look, forgive me if I tent to avoid showing the least favourite part of my face.

My teeth are also heavily discussed, which also brings up the topic of my lips.

As mentioned earlier, I got Invisalign a few years back. I used to have my front teeth really pushed out, after an injury I had as a child. People think my teeth look massive as a result of veneers, but I never had veneers. These are in fact my real teeth, and yes, they are massive, but I love them!

Because I hated my teeth before, I used to want to bring the least amount of attention to my mouth, making my lips very pale. I also always had a crooked smile, and a large mouth, which people always teased me about online (hey, I definitely do not have a symmetric face, that’s for sure!) so last year, in September, I tried lip fillers to even out the look. I had some only on the top lip, not the bottom.

I felt like it didn’t help much, so I went back a few weeks later and asked to get it dissolved (leaving some on the right side, which is naturally a bit less full in comparison to the left). It was something I wanted to try and didn’t feel like it was necessary to share as I’ve only had it for such a small amount of time. I didn’t even say it to my friends, it would have been weird having to clear it up online, but I guess I have to. I’ve done nothing to my lips since, it’s been 10 months (fillers disappear within 6-8 months) and simply realised I could get a fuller look by faking it with a nude lip pencil and some gloss. But then again, even before doing this, people always asked if I got lip fillers after my invisalign treatment (even my mom, so I guess you guys are not crazy for thinking that, after all).

So any detectives out there, yes, I did try it out for two weeks; I didn’t like it, and now I overline my lips. Oh and by the way: no, no chin implants. No jaw surgery. People look different overtime, and that’s normal.

Learn to respect people no matter how they look, or what they change about themselves.

9. MY UPBRINGING

I get it, I can come across as a naive snowflake that has been sheltered her entire life, because of what I let out in my videos, and my constant ‘positive attitude’ (kind of weird that I even need to write this as if it’s a bad thing).

Well, let me just say: if you don’t know me personally, you are not going to know what I dealt with in my life. The majority of people suffer and go through horrible things in the course of their lives, but it’s the way you approach them that makes you get through them.

I appear to come from a rich family that gave me anything I wanted, and spoiled me – and sure, I do have a good family that is present for me – but you are so wrong if you think everything has always being idillic in my life. Definitely didn’t have a terrible childhood, but things weren’t always easy.

No. I don’t share those things. Not because I want to give out the illusion of a perfect life, but because I choose to share things that affected just me, and nothing about things I went through in the past because they also affect other people, and could potentially hurt their lives if I exposed such details to others.

So go ahead, picture me and my life the way you wish to, and judge me based on whatever it is you see online, but stop acting as if you are a superior being that knows me without actually knowing me.

If I have such a positive attitude towards life it’s because I have seen how awful it can be, and I try my absolute best to live a happy life. Some people don’t ever get to choose, but I was lucky enough to have that choice and every day I’m grateful for the life I have. It would be silly not to be positive!

Anyway, I’m sure there will be plenty of other stuff I wasn’t able to address in this post, that people have problems with, but I’m honestly worn out and feel silly even typing things out at this point. Plus, I’m pretty certain all of the things I took time to explain will most likely be taken apart regardless, and only stir up more drama.

But hey, I had been bottling it in and I’m unable to focus on things that actually matter until I get this out of the way. So again, all of you marzipans that had to sit through this – I’m sorry, I know it was a long rant!

Whoever is reading this, thank you for making it to the end.

I’m open to have a real conversation, if you are.

Marzia

448 thoughts on “THOUGHTS.

  1. Amber

    I really enjoyed reading this. I have always looked at your youtube videos and instagram posts and seen you as “perfect”, but really perfect doesn’t exist. Humans have flaws and things that they do not like about themselves – that is normal and okay! It’s what makes us unique! Reading this post really gave me more insight into you as a person, and I love you even more for it!

    When I was in high school I frequently received comments about my thin frame, and people called me anorexic. I never said anything because I didn’t think it was a big deal since being this was supposed to be desirable, even though these comments really hurt me. At some times I even started to believe what people were saying, even though it wasn’t true. I ate and still eat a healthy amount of food, and I was training 4-5 times per week in sports (I figure skated). I don’t think anyone should comment on other people’s weight, because it’s a very sensitive topic for people whether they are thick or thin. I just like to tell people that they look good or healthy!

    Overall, thank you for sharing this, I am sorry that people can be so mean and that it can be so hard sometimes. You are so strong for being able to put yourself out there and go share these vulnerable parts of yourself on the internet. We are always our worst critics. Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Mariana

    Ciao, Marzia!
    It’s very inspiring to read this and realize that you have your struggles and insecurities. I look at my own life and I wish I could change some of it and then, when I see one of yours videos you look so “put together” and in my head I’m like “I wish I could be more like her”. Not because you’re famous or something like that, but because I see in you some parts of myself and some of those things I’m striving to improve, because I feel like I’m not really using all of my potential. I never really looked up to someone as a “role model” but i guess you could say that’s kind of how I see you.
    I hope you feel better after clearing up all of that, but your friends are right. None of that really matters. Of course you have flaws, you are human. Some people will take advantage of that to make mean comments, but many of us think that’s all okay and that you’re even more real and incredible because of that. Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Like

  3. Katerina Andronicou

    Hi Marzia,

    You shouldn’t have to explain yourself to anyone. BUT I did want to comment because I understand how you feel when it comes to the weight issue. I have never been able to put on weight like everybody else and have always been bullied growing up by classmates and teachers. And it drives me crazy when people tell me now “Oh I wish I had your body” or “OMG why don’t you eat more?” Like why is anyone’s weight any of your business? I personally cannot put weight on but it has to do a lot about genetics and my metabolism. It stills bothers me sometimes but I know it shouldn’t and the same should be for you. You look HEALTHY, NOT anorexic at all and if people say that they have obviously never seen someone with an eating disorder.

    Also, a small confession, I did start watching your videos through Felix but I always enjoyed your videos. Especially when you used to do lookbooks! You keep doing you and don’t pay any attention. None of this really matters, the only thing that matters is what YOU think of yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Vivian

    Marzia,

    You are amazing and fabulous and creative and strong and beautiful and inspiring! I honestly look up to you and I’m only four years younger than you. These people, as you said, are only trying to fulfill the requirements of a narrative they decided a long time ago. They can’t be altered because they are miserable people. It seems they’re so dissatisfied with their own life choices that they want to bring down anyone with any semblance of success and happiness.

    These people and their negative opinions honestly have no room in your life.

    There is a big difference between a criticism and a negative judgment with the intent to harm. It sucks because I believe most people just want to be accepted, but at what cost. Some people refuse to be happy and it would be unhealthy to waste your time trying to pacify their incrimination.

    So keep doing you Marzia, because you’re amazing! I love watching your videos and I’ve been a fan for a long time. I’ll continue watching and cheering you on!

    P.S. Congratulations on your engagement!!! All your fans are crazy happy for you!

    Peace and Love,

    Vivian

    Liked by 1 person

  5. mishchellerr

    Wow! This “rant” has really been an eye-opener for me (in a good way).

    It’s really inspiring what you said about, why not have positive outlook since (you) were given a life, that others might not be able to choose?

    Thank you for this, Marzia! (and for inspiring us)

    Like

  6. SaraZ

    Hello Marzia,
    My first reaction was to shake my head too: “why is she addressing those hateful comments? Why give them e en moremore attention?” But then I get it: it was an occasion for you to reply to those people like they were here in front you, maybe making them ashamed and let some of your anger out in the meanwhile. Actually, I completely understand this need.
    Remember to always take care of yourself.
    SaraZ

    Like

  7. Hannah Garner

    I relate so much on the upbringing thing. My parents really tried to grab me right from wrong when I was younger and my cousins think that being parented well is essentially being “sheltered”. Not so. I think that your positivity dealing with life’s problems is REFRESHING. There should be more like you! People calling you naive? Take it as a compliment. That’s just something to call people when they try to see the good in the world

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hannah Garner

    I heard somewhere that no one trying to do something big, or make a change, will come without those trying to bring them down. You are a positive force, Marzia..and people see your positivity and meaningful innocence and are jealous of it. Be proud of who you are, because we are proud of you❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Nicole

    Thank you for sharing this kind of things to us, Marzia! You are the person that really inspired me to express myself fully. And that didn’t change even now after knowing that you also receive mean things from ridiculous people, that somehow affected you. This, in fact, made me love you more as a writer and a person. Your audacity about this is unexpected, we even love you for that.

    Thank you again for sharing your beautiful soul to us, and keep being strong! You make us proud and happy too! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Joane

    Hi Marzia ! I never write comments but I think that this post wasn’t necessary.
    You might feel better after writing it, but I think that you don’t need to justify your actions.
    Live your life and don’t pay attention to people because they always have something to say.
    Enjoy you life to the fullest, be creative, dress as you want, be who want to be and as we say here in France :
    “Qu’ils aillent se faire f*utre!”

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Kinga

    Dear Marzia, I feel so sorry for you that you had to write all these things. I know what you feel. I’m also a YouTuber, recently I gained more popularity so more people are watching me. Which is equal with getting more hate. My “community” (it’s so small community) is mostly positive towards me. Even if it’s criticism – it’s still okay i guess. But people who doesn’t know me, who finds me by accident now, they are jumping into wrong conclusion. I recorded a video about how my Japanese boyfriend proposed to me. We have different situation, we had to plan our propose. Which public doesn’t like at all. They are saying that it’s stupid, that i’m a liar and fake. They judge so easily and fast, without any hesitation which is so sad for me.
    You are good person, inspiration and of course everyone has bad past or disadventages (in look or personality) so please don’t worry too much about this. Many people doesn’t know our story, our mind, our body and they are judging so easily.
    Take care of yourself and be yourself!
    Kinga from Poland

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Jan

    Hi Marzia,

    Many months ago now I stumbled upon (probably the same site as you did) and I was horrified what I was reading, not just about you, but other Youtubers that their only crime was to be creative, pretty, intelligent and just lovely people.

    I understand your reaction, because I felt it for you – but I could see that the depth of their convictions to being “bullies” was pretty much in the professional stakes, they were going to win any criticism come what may.

    I hope you feel better for getting it off your chest and you must know deep down that you are a million times more than they. In fact you really have to feel sorry for these people because they must be so unhappy with their lives to want to try and project such nastiness onto others they don’t know.

    Please, please do not revisit that site – you have wonderful adventures in front of you, put your energies into those and stay clear of the dark side on the internet! Take care x

    Like

  13. DizzyMouse

    Thank you for sharing all of this with us and I hope you will be able to feel a little bit better after writing about it!
    Please do not forget that you are absolutely beautiful and inspiring in your own ways. Every creator has something unique to share ❤ Don't let others bring you down.

    Shoot for the Moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  14. S

    Oh Marzia this makes me sad! I really like you and your content, and all these accusations are things I’ve never even thought about. It really seems to me like things people would only notice or talk about when they put everything you do under a microscope! You deserve all the attention and following that you have, because you are a very likeable person, and everyone is unique so theres no such thing as, other peoples content is better, yeah unless you had a really terrible camera and didn’t try at all, but thats not the case. I really hope all of this will disappear and you’ll never find any of this unnecessary negativity online again!

    Like

  15. Zoe

    Marzia, you are a wonderful human being and a rarity in this world. I can imagine how hurtful reading that stuff was but I love this saying:
    “You could be the ripest peach of them all, and there’s still gonna be someone that doesn’t like peaches”.

    Like

  16. cranberrykissss

    I’m late to this post but its very refreshing to read this!

    I’ve been following your videos and instagram and i cant believe the things people assume and say about you, its crazy! And some things are about stuff i dont even notice – which makes me think that im not observant enough or smth 😦

    I wish i can meet you and tell you how much i adore you and your content. I’m glad you let out a wonderful rant as well ❤ haters got to go

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Nelly

    Marzia, I don’t know where to start. You are so amazing (for all that I know from your videos and blog posts), and I really admire you and your view on things. You are so strong for writing about all of this, and especially putting it out here for everyone to see. I know I wouldn’t be able to do that, even though writing sure does help a lot.

    It always surprises me how many people choose to be negative and plain mean to someone that they don’t know – what’s in it for them really? Reading through your post I was again surprised by all the things that people seem to have issues with about you. Most of the things I had never though about before – I feel you with your emetophobia, not saying I know exactly how you feel (that’s just impossible), but it really is absolutely horrible – and it does make me sad that you have to/feel the need to take it up. It’s really no one’s business but yours!

    Just keep going, you do you, and don’t let these people get to you. Easier said than done, I know, but remember that you have a large group of supporters and followers here who are here because of your wonderful personality and content. You are strong, admirable and inspirational 🙂

    Like

  18. Lara

    Hi Marzia,

    I just want to hug you 🙂 opening up about all that stuff was very brave of you. Although you didn’t need to do it. All that stuff is very personal and it’s still your life.
    Do that stuff that makes you happy and don’t try to listen to those people who are envious of you.
    Have a great day,
    Lara xxx

    Like

  19. Ema

    Hi Marzia,

    I think that you are such an amazing person that makes me so genuinely happy everytime I watch your videos or read your posts. You send many positive vibes and have a beautiful mind. Your relationship with Felix is inspiring and although it must be difficult to always be in the center of mean gossip you still love each other very much. I also admire your creativity and I am so excited to receive your subscription box this month as it is my first time ordering it.

    I also have this problem of being hurt by others comments and I try every day to believe in myself and get stronger. Please do not listen to the bad things that people say and thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    Sending lots of love and hugs from Romania,
    Ema

    Like

  20. daftdragocat

    “you clearly want to see what is convenient for the picture you painted of me in your head, and no matter what I do, nothing is going to change that.” I needed to hear this. Coming from someone who let’s the emotions and thoughts of others bother them WAY too much, there’s always something else to think about and be positive about. Whoever says all these things about you obviously just wants to be negative for the sake of being negative. It might even have nothing to do with you. You’re one of the few people online who I can genuinely look up to because you’ve been where I am in life. What you’ve done with your life is inspiring and I’m trying to get there too.

    Liked by 3 people

  21. Cassandra May

    Get it girl. Set those haters straight. Always remember that hate is a projection of something wrong with them and their lives. Healthy individuals give genuine criticism that helps you grow. Toxic people only aim to hurt and pry at wounds. Being so beautiful and successful makes you a bright target for these people. Stay strong luv. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  22. With love, Caroline

    Quanto mi dispiace leggere tutto questo… Non riesco a capire come certe persone possano passare le giornate scrivendo cose così, giudicando gli altri e le loro scelte, la loro vita, e inventando storie a piacere. Certe persone sono invidiose e si preoccupano più della vita degli altri che della propria vita.
    Con la tua sensibilitò è difficile ignorare tutti questi commenti negativi ma spero che riesci a vedere le cose belle, come sempre riesci a fare, in tutto questo. Anzi, sono sicura che ci riesci, è una delle cose che mi è sempre piaciuta nel tuo blog o nei tuoi video: sai trovare il bello e lo rendi ancora più bello aggiungendo qualcosa di tuo. 😀

    Malgrado la tua fama resti umile e riconoscente di tutto quello che hai e secondo me è una dote molto importante e abbastanza rara su Youtube 🙂
    Resta quello che sei, ci sarà sempre gente per criticare, qualunque cosa tu faccia. La cosa migliore da fare è sbattergli la tua felicità in faccia e continuare a vivere la tua vita 🙂 Molto più difficile da fare che da dire però! Sii orgogliosa di te e di dove sei arrivata perché sono cose che devi soltanto a te stessa. E lo penso davvero! La fama di Felix ti può essere stata utile ma il tuo cammino lo hai tracciato tu, hai deciso tu della direzione dove volevi andare!
    Io quando mi ricordo dei tuoi primi video e che ti vedo adesso, sono molto orgogliosa e ammirativa di tutto il cammino che sei riuscita a fare! Come hai affrontato la tua timidezza, le angoscie e tutto questo. Come hai costruito la tua vita, indipendente, e come sei riuscita, sempre, a fare quello che piace a te, malgrado e contro tutti 😀

    Mi hai aiutata tantissimo con la tua personalita unica, il tuo carattere, la tua creatività, la tua semplicità e il tuo universo magico.

    Spero che adesso va tutto bene, non so neanche se leggerai questo messaggio ma ti mando tutto il mio amore e coraggio. Anche se non ci conosciamo, ti voglio bene, prenditi cura di te e di quello che ami :3

    Baci baci ❤

    Like

  23. Hanna

    Hi Marzia! You’re not alone with your phobia! People that don’t have it just doesn’t understand how much it can affect your daily life. I relate to a lot of the stuff you brought up in this post.
    I have over 400k followers on insta (it’s not near as much as you have but I still get a lot of hate). Thank you for being you

    Like

  24. Anna Sofie

    Hey Marzia!

    First of all, I wanna say that I really respect you for speaking out about this! It takes a lot of strength, especially when people scrutinize your life and nitpick what they don’t like. Personally, I’m so grateful that you’ve spoken out about anxiety in the past, as it has helped me, and many others cope with their own. Also, I can see from the comments here, that we are multiple people that have been called “anorexic” in the past. So, first of all, thank you for giving us a voice ❤

    I wanted to address a specific point that I thought was especially low, which was the one about emetophobia. I don't suffer from it, so I can't 100% relate to it, but I know how it feels to be gripped by a phobia. I think unless you've had one, it's really hard to understand just how terrified you can be. Anyhoo, I just wanted to say that I think it was really low of them to peal into something you felt so bad about, and even more so that they use it to say that you won't make a good mother. For the record, I actually know someone who's been struggling with emetophobia since she was 10, and she has managed to raise 2 kids just fine – and I'm sure, if and when you want kids, you'll make a great one as well.

    As your manager said, the meanest voices are often the loudest, but I just wanna say that I really enjoy your content, I think you seem like an awesome person, and I can't imagine any other reason than envy for the shitty things people write. Once again, thanks for speaking up and know that you have a fanbase that loves you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Filipa

    Hey Marzia!

    I’ve been watching your videos since you started back in Sweden, when your english was still a work in progress and I have to say… you had such a natural evolution on Youtube. I see you have a bunch of followers that came from Felix, but you weren’t the type to copy or take any advantage of something or someone that already existed for the benefit of more views and subs, you simply adapted your personality and taste to your channel and made it work, all your own way.
    I used to watch so many different channels, but most of them just lost their original essence, they turned into commercialized, overexpose and unnatural content. You managed to keep things consistent and with a certain privacy but most of all, its all you!
    Haters are part of your success, its pure jealousy (which I’m sure you know that).
    I don’t even know you personally, but I’m proud of your hard work and incredible creativity, it’s such an inspiration.
    It’s easy to talk, but you gotta be strong and you know your true fans will always have your back 🙂
    All the best xx

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Manh Thang

    Hey girl. Just want to say that whatever you do, personally i`ll always support you for what you`ve done, for inspiring so many people including me and for just being a nice, and so so so so so cute and talented, YOU. I`m very proud to tell everyone that i`m a biggest fan of yours, and i bet all the marzipans are, too. So, i wish and believe that you will not be affected by those criticism, and to me, to us, we`re going to love you no matter what happens.
    Much love ❤

    Like

  27. naomikimmi

    This post frustrates me.
    I’m not frustrated at YOU, I’m frustrated at THEM.
    Yesterday I was really upset because I’ve been feeling a lack of support from the people around me. I can relate with what it feels like to constantly have people pick at your flaws. It may not be to the same extent as you but I guess it’s important to remember that we’re all living in different circumstances and have different tolerance levels.
    Marzia, you just keep being you. I find it so inspiring and incredible how you have grown your own brand and accomplished your goals the way you have. There are times when I envy you, not exactly because of what you have, but because you had the courage to make changes to get where you are now.
    Keep creating Marzia! Just remember how far you’ve come, and don’t let these people weigh you down. I hope you found some peace in letting it out. xx

    Like

  28. Marianne

    I will not be able to write a comment as long as few did before me but I just wanted to say some simple things. I read your post and sometime, I really feel the same way you maybe felt writing this, can’t explain. In whatever posts your writing, it makes my heart beat slower when I read it, I imagine your voice in my head and It feels great :). I hope you feel better today. And never forget that your marzipans are behind you anyway, whatever happens.

    Hope your fine, love from France !

    Like

  29. gasha

    Hi, i live in Kurdistan region in Iraq, so i’m pretty damn far away and in a place with a very different life style yet i make sure to check all your videos, your blog, your Instagram account cause you inspire me with my life in ways you wouldn’t imagine. I love what you’re doing and how creative you are that always inspired me to be creative in my own way and, i love the way you are simply you, and constantly trying to become better and i think thats what really matters. I just wanted to let you know that people from so far away watch your videos and are inspired, you’re doing great Marzia.

    Like

  30. Kiki

    Hi Marzia, I never really comment on this or Youtube but I really enjoyed reading this. It’s so unbelieveable how cruel people can be – often not really knowing what they’re doing by “just giving” some comments. I’m starting teaching now and feel that this superficiality is becoming a big problem (not that it wasn’t before). Oh the minutes I talked in front of class about being nice and think of what the other might go through or struggle with! I don’t know what it is, but I feel judging others and stating an unfiltered opinion is increasing… so sad. I found you because my boyfriend always watches Pewdiepie – or Felix and I like you both a lot (as internet personalities I mean). I don’t know you, but I like your seemingly calm attitude and the joyfulness other obviously can’t stand (what is wrong with people?). You actually inspire me to be more creative and go out and DO something. I like that.

    I never really do this and I feel so stupid – but this is probably what also a result of being made fun of; “fan culture” or however you want to call it. I just wanted to say I like you and your attitude – I wish I could take a little piece of it and incorporate with me, but thats something to work on right?

    Greetings from Berlin, Germany, I hope anyone who reads this can somehow understand!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Martina Royo

    Hey marzia! Im sorry that you have to deal with the hate. But im here to say that you are LITERALLY my inspiration in life. I think you are one of the best people out there and you really deserve the love from the Marzipans. I absolutely enjoy your videos and i think they are actually super honest, which is not easy to find nowadays lol. But i hope that you don’t feel powerless because of this hate. Remember that your imperfections make you perfect and its ok to have fears. Im writing you this from Argentina❤️ Thanks for being who you are. Love you❤️

    Like

  32. Sofia

    Hi Marzia,

    My name is Sofia, I am 18 years old from Toronto Canada and I started watching your videos on Youtube a few months ago! I find them very soothing and they never fail to cheer me up, or ease my mind when I’m stressed or feel anxiety. I usually re-watch your cooking videos or vlogs in the morning before work or school to get ready for the day and start the day with a good positive attitude.

    I usually do not leave any comments on your videos.. and this is actually my first time exploring your blog page, but I felt a need to join the discussion on your thoughts on internet hate and insecurity. I feel that you definitely do not owe your viewers explanation for some of the above mentioned issues (not issues I just couldn’t think of the right word), because your content and communication with your viewers is already very raw, personal and open! I think your openness and your differences has made me continue to look for your content and re watch old videos. It is so nice to see an open individual, like yourself, and its very comforting when you share these things like your fears and your quirks.

    I wanted to share with you a quote I saw online that says,”There is no shame in being honest, There is no shame in being vulnerable, It’s the beauty of being human.” It definitely is a lot easier for people on the internet to leave hate comments but Im just a regular person, with no social media accounts or following, yet I get hate and cruel comments about my body (being too short) thrown at me at work as well. It is frustrating and unfair to receive hate for just being yourself, but I think it goes to show that those nasty type of comments are a reflection more of the person giving hate and their need to bring people down, as opposed to anything that is actually wrong with you.

    There are lots of open minded people on the Internet as well who want to leave a constructive comment, but Im sure its very easy for you to tell which comments are there to help and which are just simple hate. I just wanted to say I very much enjoy your videos, your commentary, and I have been inspired by your channel in numerous different ways!

    Best,

    Sofia

    Like

  33. Gabriela Jimenez

    I never notice the things you’ve done in your body/face, I just think you look beautiful
    I also admire a lot your work, I have a huge respect for you and how much effort you put into making everything that you show us
    Also is really cool that you let us in your life with yoy blog/vlogs.

    The only thing that has ever made me upset all these years are the axolotls, not because I don’t think that you did a bad job taking care of them, but the fact that you got them in the first place upsets me. Axolotls are a critically endangered species, I don’t think they should be pets and I wished you could have talked about their status more and bring awareness to them instead

    Like

    1. K

      While Axolotls are threatened in the wild, nearly all of them purchased in the pet trade are captive bred. I’m not sure how this would be very damaging to wild populations. They’re incredibly easy to breed so there really is no demand for wild caught specimens.

      Like

  34. Sophia

    Hola Marzia!
    I´ve been watching your videos for so many years now that sometimes I feel like I really understand your personality and the way you live your life. I know it sounds silly to say such things, but I tell you this because every impression I have of you is a positive one! Sure, you may have made and will keep on making mistakes, but that’s just how we work, we’re human after all and you being an internet personality doesn´t mean anybody should expect you to be perfect.
    For me you have been one of my biggest rolemodels in terms of attitude! Your videos always make me calm and smile, so I try to always leave a little comment showing gratitute for the peace you bring into my life.
    Thanks for everything and lots of love from Chile,
    Sophia

    Like

  35. Vic

    Thank you for the reality bites! Honesty is always nice to read.

    I had never questioned/thought about the topics you’ve listed, in a positive way if anything, for I see you as a brave person who knows herself and tries to become better (isn’t that the major goal?) and in the meantime creates and inspires people, which is more than those people who talk through their hat can say.

    I love your content.
    🙂

    Like

  36. Jessica

    Hi Marzia ❤️

    I’m so sorry for all the dramatic / jealous people who trys to get you down❤️

    I have followd your chanel for 6(?) years, you have ALWAYS looked healthy and happy. You are beautiful just the way you are both outside and inside ^w^

    Try not to think about it too much, you will only feel sad, lots of love!

    PS: I love your content, it makes me feel less alone :3 It’s so cosy and makes Me happy :3 I hope you’ll have a great day!

    Like

  37. Meg

    Marzia,

    I found your YouTube channel because of Felix, but I continue to tune in for your personality and content. I often check if your channel has been updated first in the day since your vlogs are a bit of much needed fresh air: the imagery, music, and story.

    Meg

    Like

  38. Cheryl Loane

    I’m probably the same as many other subscribers where I started watching your videos because of Felix but I subscribed because I enjoy your video content – it’s so creative and light-hearted. I think people who point out and make a big thing out of other peoples imperfections and what not is because that is how they feel about themselves. It’s also a lot to do with jealousy – they see that you’ve made something of yourself out of nothing, yes Felix may have had given your start on youtube an added advantage, but if the content and personality wasn’t there to keep that audience engaged and wanting more then you wouldn’t be where you are today. Keep up the good work! You are doing a great job! Just remember that jealousy is a disease and it can get the better of people sometimes without them even realising it or maybe they just enjoy making other people feel miserable. Love you!

    Like

  39. Sarah Moniz

    Dear Marzia

    I am reading commenting on this a little late, but I wanted to say that you are right. I see people hate on people because they want to bring that person down and that is wrong. My friend and I did a speech on being your own person, and veryone should be their own person no matter what other people say or do to that person. I agree with you all the way about your post and about trying to live a happy life no matter what, and it’s true what you say even though some one seems to have a perfect life there is no such thing. Trying to be happy everyday and to try to have a positive attitude is just something people do to live the best way possible. Yes some people might have it better, but that doesn’t matter. We should all show each other kindness and not try to point someone out because you think it’s wrong when it’s not the world sees way too much of that every day. Marzia you are a wonderful person and no matter what we will support you.

    -Sarah Moniz

    Like

  40. K

    I’m late to reading this but felt the need to comment. I think it’s easy for people to assume things about you or any others with large followings. While I’m sure the perks are nice I’m sure there’s also lots of stress that comes along with it. I know what these people say will hurt no matter how many of us reply with the “ya good girl don’t listen to those dicks” replies but in reality it’s a bunch of bitchy people sitting online and over analyzing people all day on the internet. Then they waste who knows how many hours of their life writing nasty shit about them. It sucks that’s how they choose to spend their time (but haha guaranteed views I suppose for the people they’re obsessing over?) Unfortunately, there’s just bitchy and negative people out there that will tear you, or anyone else they set their sights on, down. Just keep doing your thing and stay kind, as you stated no matter what these types of people will just keep hating because it’s fun for them. Lastly, I’ve worked in animal rescue for years now, your pets are fine and you have no reason to defend. Pug nail trims can be a nightmare, shit there’s vet med memes about them, having slightly longer nails doesn’t hurt your dog and it’s fairly common with older pets. My own dog is 15 and HATES her nails getting done. I’m tired of stressing her out and having to get her sedated, I deal with them less frequently to reduce stress. These haters can just go screw xD

    Like

  41. Michael

    “the only way I can deal with things is to write about them” Writing is like breathing, is like therapy, is like meditation.

    Very thoughtful, reflective post!

    Like

  42. Thomas

    Hey Marzia,

    “It doesnt matter who you are, it matters what you make of it.” …someone said that.

    Im not a Youtuber, so i dont really know how it feels to be that exposed, but let me tell you a little secret (you might already know). What people say about you isnt about you, its about them. 99% of the time.

    They never met you, they dont know shit about you, but they talk like they know better.
    Its really about their own insecurities, fears, ideologies and struggles in life.

    Imagine being shot by a terrorist. Its nothing personal, he had his issues with life and you simply where around in the moment. Im sorry for the drastic example, i could not think of a better way to put it, but thats the way it is.

    I hope it helps you to disassociate with this kind of comments.
    Keep up the good work, and fuck the jeaulous,

    Thomas

    Like

  43. Aletze Estrada

    Pff, it sure took me a long time in a sense that I’m reading this just now and not when it came out on my email (i’m sorry!)

    But yeah, people that only go about in their lives offending other people just based on what they see online and just on appearance or upbringing (as if it was a choice we made when we were born) are just really close-minded and I’m sorry for them not being able to enjoy THEIR life.

    I’m glad you are doing it and I’m glad to know you are healthy and feeling good 😀

    My mom says it’s useless to rant and it’s better to do something about it but I disagree, I feel that getting out of your way what is bothering you, by talking about it or in this case, ranting about it, makes it easier to focus on the “doing something” part. So, no worries about this.

    I will now proceed to read the rest of your posts. He he.

    Like

  44. Jenn

    Marzia,

    As I was reading through this blog post I was incredibly saddened by the fact that you felt the need to explain personal aspects of your body (e.g the nose surgeries and the lip fillers). Nobody is entitled to know anything about you if you don’t want them to.
    Nonethless, the way you present yourself has always been an uplifting force. Your content usually makes me feel serene and hopeful. This is not a bad thing.
    I’m incredibly thankful for everything you create and choose to share with the world!

    ,love you

    Like

  45. StellaMSamm

    Hi Marzia! Thank you so much for this empowering blog post — you are so brave and bold for being honest even though you don’t have to explain everything in life. In terms of beauty surgery; I never understood why people make it such a big deal, why is it seen as something so bad. The way you spoke about your lip fillers really shows how people should approach this topic — casually. Doing something in order to feel more confident or to experiment shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. After all, it is your life and your decision what do you want to do with it. However, I think that these negative people are just so dumb; instead of picking on other peoples lives why don’t you go and accomplish something yourself? Okay but enough of that but what I want to say is that, please please don’t change your way of doing things just because of these people. I have watched your channel for a long time and I actually first found you before I found Felix’s channel – so there are people who genuinely started following you because of you not because of anyone else.
    Lots of Love,
    Your Marzipan

    Liked by 1 person

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