February 3rd, 2016

Felix left this morning.


I’m inviting a friend over for a few days, but I will still have about 5 days to spend on my own. I don’t mind it at all, I love focusing on my work, pampering myself and chilling with the pugs – what I don’t love so much is that, being accustomed to live with somebody on my side for so long, any time Felix leaves all the responsibility is on me: cleaning, getting food, taking care of the pugs, letters, bills… everything. Which still, is fine, for the most part.

It was a promising day, I woke up early to say bye to Felix. The sun came out, it looked stunning. I got most work done, even the boring stuff.

The day was going well.



I decide to take a break and snack on a “hard-bread sandwich”: first mistake of the day. As I bite onto it, I feel something strange with my tooth; the wire behind my teeth broke. If you didn’t know, I had clear braces for about 9 months and now have the bonded retainer in the back.

Now, usually I would be fairly okay with this, I just need to make my way to London and get it fixed, the problem is that I can’t leave the pugs alone, and Felix isn’t back until next week. I’m sure I will figure something out in the end, but this was just the beginning…

I wanted to release some of the stress by going on a longer walk with the puggies. It was a wonderful day outside, after all.

I get ready, prepare the pugs, and make my way out. We reach the beach, where they love to run around, and so I let them. After about 5 minutes I notice that Edgar is walking strangely, he seems to be in pain. I lift him up and see a giant seashell stuck to his paw: I try to get it off but it’s really deep in there.

I start to panic, not really knowing what to do.

Suddenly, I see a couple walking by with a big dog and force myself to ask for help – if you have social anxiety, you can understand how horrifying it is to talk to strangers – but I did it, and I’m glad, because the man was able to get it out by pulling at once with strength, which is something I wouldn’t have been able to do.

Edgar cried a bit, but no blood; he is fine now, sleeping in my lap as I write this post.



The final thing to add up to this mess, is that Maya has an upset stomach today, which means she is leaving wonderful gifts all over the house.


I was basically having a great day… until it all went wrong.

But hey, there is still half day ahead, and I want to leave all of this behind; to do so I need to get my head off of it by watching something. Any suggestion on series or movies I could check out on Netflix?

Thanks for keeping me company, Marzia.

96 thoughts on “ON MY OWN.

    1. Kitty

      Fighting Marzia ! I always face the same nervous as you do ! I also has social anxiety, my two cats health are also not stable and my body is weak too. Let’s fighting together and everything will be alright !!!


  1. itsameamarina

    I’m glad Edgar is okay. Poor little guy. 😦 High five on your social anxiety success today! 🙂 I look forward to your posts. I check your blog regularly :3 Your writing is beautiful. ❤ Stay golden, Pony Boy (Outsiders (if you haven't read this book, you should)).

    Liked by 2 people

  2. quasargal

    I just finished Sense8! I am a sucker for psychological and sci-fi dramas, and it really delivered in my opinion. I hope it comes back around for a second season. I haven’t found anything that has been quite up to par with that yet!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Felicity

    I have anxiety too, especially when my boyfriend leaves me. So reading this made me feel better to keep calm like you did when something went wrong, if that was me i would of nearly cried because I would of know what to do.

    For suggestions;Misfits (Uk sci-fi), Skins (Uk drama, sensitive skin (Usa drama) and If i think of more ill let you know.


  4. Erica

    Aww I love you Marzia! I’m shy, introverted and have social anxiety so I relate to you 100%. Some of my favorite series on Netflix you might like also are Reign, Chelsea does, Marvel’s Jessica Jones, New Girl, A little witch academia, and some movies Hector and the search for happiness, Byzantium, Haunter White Bird In a Blizzard, Four Rooms, the babadook, American Mary, American Beauty, Adult World, The awakening, I believe in unicorns, Chocolat, Quills, A league of their own, instructions not included, the road within, twinsters, and tracks. I’m kinda obsessed with movies haha. Hopefully some of those intrigue you! ❤


  5. Rebeca

    I don’t know anything about Netflix but you should watch Hotarubi No Mori E, it’s an anime movie, it has a lot of feels D:
    I hope your days get better Marzia, and poor Edgar, it’s good that he’s okay now.
    I understand how you feel about social anxiety, but it kinda surprises me, I have it too, but I could never do videos like you and all those things you do, I would feel really really stressed, like I don’t want people to see me, I don’t even like to take pictures of myself or people asking to take a picture of me, so I think you’re really strong about that part.
    Even though I don’t watch your videos a lot, I think you’re a really nice and beautiful girl.
    Greetings from Venezuela ❤


  6. Paris Carbo

    Just a thing: Between “leaves. All” in the first paragraph you forgot the dot and in the second one “bye” has a missing “e”. Maybe you’re just tired for the day, I hope the rest was better.


  7. Georgia

    Aww man I feel you. When I’m alone I feel pretty cool and independent until shit starts popping out of nowhere and I don’t know what to do. Hope this is just a rough day and the rest of them flow smoothly! I heard “Mr robot” is pretty cool,it’s a new one I think you can check it out! You should definitely watch “New girl” such an amazing comedy!
    Hope you have a great day and a nice girl-time while Felix is away! Get well soon Maya!


  8. Ashleigh

    It’s not a movie or tv show, but I have a game recommendation! I think you will love it!
    It’s called Oxenfree and is available from steam. It’s definitely your style: very funny and cute, but SUPER CREEPY. It’s not a silly jumpscare type game – it actually has a great story. Without giving too much away, it’s about a group of teenagers who visit an abandoned island to have a party and then (of course) a bunch of supernatural things start happening.
    It has a great art style too, and I think it’s amazing how creepy and spooky they were able to make it with the way the game looks!
    I hope you check it out and would love to hear what you think if you ever mention it in a video or even just a tweet!
    Hope your day gets better 🙂


  9. Marisa

    Hi Marzia, maybe you have already answered to this question, but in case you haven’t: do you have any advice on how to deal with social anxiety?

    I don’t know if it is on Netflix or if you have watched it already, but if you like weird/mystery/horror/supernatural stuff, you might enjoy Twin Peaks!


    1. Blanka

      I have social anxiety and I know it isn’t easy to live normal life with it. Main thing in dealing with it is forcing yourself to talk. There is no miracle cure, I checked twice :< Maybe it's easy to say: JUST TALK GURL, but starting with little things will make it easier some day. Take your time, and celebrate any single little success!
      Best luck!


  10. Annomeka

    Hey Marzia 🙂
    I just wanted to say I’ve been really loving these blog posts from you. I feel like I’m getting to know you better and I also think you’re a great writter. Looking forward to reading more posts from you. And yay, it’s Thursday! I’m looking forward to your new video 🙂


  11. Kelly Mummert

    Have you watched The Killing on Netflix? That’s what I’m obsessed with right now. The original version is Swedish. I hope Edgar and Maya have fully recovered by now and are doing fine. I am one of your older fans – I will be 50 this June 😮- and I just want you to know that I think you are completely adorable. And that Felix guy is ok too, I guess…..lol just kidding, I love him and am a Bro. I watch all new videos by both of you, and am working on going back through all the older stuff too. I love you guys!! Hope you are having a great day!


  12. Finn

    I know how hard it is to talk to strangers, but I’m so happy that you overcame, your fear and I’m also glad Edgar is okay now! Don’t worry the loneliness won’t last forever! As for Netflix movies, you should definitely watch Frida!!


  13. A SOPHIEsticated Blog

    Honestly, when I first saw the title, I thought of Les Miserables’s song “On My Own” ahah! 😂

    Awww you and Felix are so cute ❤ It's great to hear that you've gathered your strength to talk to someone new today (well, yesterday) hehe! Poor Edgar & Maya! 😦 I hope that they'll be okay soon! They're brave dogs (and they DID face a lot of their fears 😉)

    Just think positive! 🙂 I hope you had a great day still!


  14. Nakita

    Hey , as for dogs with bad stomachs i suggest boiled chicken breast ( skinless) cut up on some boiled white rice. it truly does wonders 🙂 Currently i just finished full house. and I’m just watching some cartoons, and once upon a time.


  15. kristi

    Not sure if u enjoy things like these but u could always watch something to make u smile or laugh like mean girls or wild child or confessions of a shoppaholic or if u wanna watch some spooky programmes u could always check out ghost adventures


  16. Elin

    Hey Marzia, as a fellow horror movie lover I thought you might appreciate some movie recommendations, especially since I have noticed you liking Asian horror movies. I’m not sure how much you’ve gotten into Korean movies… however these few movies: “I saw the devil” , “Bedevilled” , “The chaser” and “No mercy” all Korean criminal/horror/thrillers are sooooo good imo. I love watching movies and shows and especially when I feel stressed out because of the daily life that can just be so draining. I suffer from a mixture of depression and anxiety myself so I can really relate to your social anxiety because if I’m having a bad day I will avoid everyone, including the people closest to me and it’s not the easiest thing to deal with when you push people away. Anyway, enjoy these movies if you get the change or decide to look them up and if you want to recommend me something back I’d be happy too! I wish you all the luck in the future with everything that you decide to do. /Elin


  17. Ray Pai

    Oh gosh, you gotta hate those days where everything seems to go wrong! Hopefully you did enjoy your day at the end! ❤ I wish the best for Edgar and Maya as well! ❤ I know your struggles without speaking too much about it, but I think it's great that you asked for help! // Big thumbs up! // ❤


  18. Magdalena

    I didn’t know you have social anxiety……. I have anxiety disorder, kinda similar… it sucks 😦 but I managed to have control back and sometimes force myself to do things, which always works out good for me, I told to myself that I am not going to waste my life because anxiety, but still there is bad days and good days. We have to stay strong 🙂


  19. Makayla's World

    I just found out that my biological father has passed away. Even though I have never met him and I love my adoptive mom and dad with all of my heart, but now I feel like something is missing. I was never able to meet him before he passed away, even though he and I had talked out finally meeting after 17 years. After reading your blog posts, I start to feel like I have connected with you, even though I have never met you. I just posted my first post on your blog a few days ago when I was coming home from a cruise. Once again I just wanted to thank you so so much for this blog page, you have helped me though this, by learning things that you struggle with and also things that you have achieved and moved past. So…
    Thank you
    Makayla S.


  20. Jess

    I know that this is a super old post but my Netflix recommendation for you is Wentworth! It’s a dark, intense women’s prison show set in Australia and one of my favorite shows of all time aside from Breaking Bad!


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